Did You Ever Love Me?
by Crystalfrost8
Summary: It's been nearly two years since Dr. Chase last saw Cameron, but now she's back in town and has a job at the hospital. Chase knows she's no good for him, but he just can't say no to Cameron, and she can't seem to stay away. Finally complete!
1. Cameron's Return

Dr. Chase left the hospital, dragging a hand tiredly across his face and then running his fingers through his now-short blonde hair. Another day done, another case solved, another life saved. He was exhausted. House had been even grumpier than usual that day. He was about to turn the corner when a flutter of gold caught the corner of his eye. He turned slowly, his heart quickening... and then froze.

She was sitting there, looking as beautiful as ever. He tried to control his reaction to the sight of her. _Keep calm_, he told himself. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her until that moment. How could she not see how much he still loved her? It was written all over his face. "What are you doing here?" he asked, thankful that his voice was steadier than he felt.

Cameron stood up slowly and a gust of wind blew her blonde hair back from her face. He forced back a memory of touching that hair, feeling the silky texture, smelling her perfume and shampoo... "Dr. Cuddy offered me a job," she said. From her posture, he sensed she was as agitated as he was. "I got fired from my last one."

"Why?" Chase asked, trying to hide his surprise. What could she have done that would have gotten her fired? She was a good doctor, and not likely to do something that would provoke a lawsuit. No, it was him and House who did things like that—daily—but not Cameron.

She shrugged slightly; obviously she wasn't keen on the subject. "I made a stupid mistake," she replied vaguely.

"So where are you working?" Chase asked, not wanting to anger her by pursuing a topic she wanted to avoid. Things were already tense enough between them. "The ER?"

Cameron nodded, and he felt a rush of relief that she hadn't been offered a position on the team. "She said I could take back the position I had before."

"It's been a while," Chase said. He could hear the sudden tightness in his own voice. "Almost two years."

"Yeah," she replied softly, "it has." He gave her a small nod and started down the sidewalk again, but she grabbed his arm. The sensation of her touching him again sent a jolt through his body. It was like electricity. "I was waiting for you to come out," she said when he looked back over his shoulder at her. "I wanted to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," Chase responded, appalled at the coldness of his tone. How could he talk to her like that? He knew why, though—she'd broken his heart.

The hurt look on her face made guilt tighten his chest. She released his arm and took a small step back. He'd never seen her look so small. "I guess if that's the way you feel..."

"No, I'm sorry," he quickly amended. He took a deep breath. "Let's get dinner."

Cameron looked up at him with shining eyes, and for a moment he thought she was going to cry. When she spoke, though, her voice was steady. "Okay."

Chase's throat abruptly felt dry. Dinner with Cameron? What in the world was he thinking? Every second with her was like slowly feeding himself through a shredder. He couldn't let her know that, though, so he forced a smile and led the way to his car. He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.


	2. Pain of the Past

Cameron's eyes flitted over to rest on his face. He still looked the same as he had last time she'd seen him. He still had the short hair—she couldn't decide if she liked it better that way or not—and he was still handsome. Beautiful, even. During the lockdown he'd asked he if she ever loved him. She felt a pang in her heart as she remembers her initial answer. _I don't know._ How could she say that? She had always loved him and, she realized resignedly, she still did.

"You're staring at me," Chase said, his voice emotionless except for the hint of amusement. It made her smile, hearing him sound something other than sad.

She quickly looked away, her hair falling like a curtain to hide her reddening face. "Sorry."

She heard him give a soft, breathy laugh. "Sorry? You don't have to apologize."

"No, it's just... I don't really have a right to look at you like that anymore," Cameron whispered. She turned her head slightly so she could see him glance over at her. His eyes looked sad again. Their gazes met and she stared into his eyes for a few seconds before looking away. "Keep your eyes on the road," she murmured.

They reached the restaurant a few minutes later, and Cameron blinked in surprise when she realized where he'd taken her. It was the same place they'd gone on multiple dates, a nice little café with delicious sandwiches. "Really?" she asked, giving him an incredulous look.

Chase smiled in that way that made him look cute instead of sexy. "I like this restaurant," he said, then got out of the car.

He walked around and opened her door of her. He held out a hand to her, which she took. It almost felt like they were on a date again. "Always a gentleman, I see," she said, her eyes lighting up with the glimmer of a memory.

"Of course," Chase replied, leading the way to the front entrance. He opened the door for her, and she caught him gazing at her longingly out of the corner of her eye. It made her heart flutter.

They were seated at a table in the corner of the restaurant, near a window that showed the cars zooming by on the street outside. She found the stretching silent awkward, but when Chase finally broke it she found herself wishing he hadn't. "What happened between us?" he asked.

Cameron took a deep breath, in through her nose, out through her mouth. "Are we really going to do this again?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered, his voice holding no hesitation. "I have to know."

"We just didn't work out," she said. She knew her explanation sounded pathetic, and as she said it she wished she could take it back. She sighed. "Are we really going to repeat our last conversation?"

"Our last conversation was really never finished," Chase said, his voice taut. "We never had a normal goodbye. We said our farewell and then you seduced me into sleeping with you again."

"I didn't..." Cameron started, but he cut her off. "Yes, you did. I was ready to let go, but you obviously weren't."

She felt tears forming in her eyes, and she looked away from his angry face as she fought to get her emotions under control. "I never wanted to let you go," she said, forcing herself to look back at him.

Chase stared at her in a way that was making her feel small. "Then why did you?" he asked.

"I had to," she said softly. She paused and when she spoke again her voice was stronger. "I had to get away from PPTH, away from house. And you didn't want to come."

"So it had nothing to do with me, not really," Chase said. "It was just that I didn't want to leave my job."

She looked into his eyes; the look on his face caused a painful ache in her chest. "I'm sorry," she breathed. He held her gaze a moment longer before looking away.


	3. Drag Me Under Again

They stood in front Cameron's apartment. He'd driven her home after their "date," though it was painful to think of it that way. After their deep conversation about the past, the rest of the night had been filled with small talk. He was staring into her blue-green eyes, drowning in them...

"Chase." Her voice dragged him back to the present. "Are you okay?" She was looking at him with wide, concerned eyes.

"I'm fine," he answered. "I was just thinking."

Cameron blinked and smiled at him, and he almost could have imagined things were normal again. He knew they weren't, though. Cameron and him and split up, for good. "About what?" she asked, her eyes teasing.

"Nothing," Chase said, and she seemed to realize the reality of the situation.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked, her hand moving to rest on the doorknob. "Maybe just for a drink or something."

Looking at her face, Chase knew he'd never be able to refuse. He didn't know where this night was going, and he was afraid to think about it. How did he keep getting sucked into these situations? "Sure," he said, forcing his tone to be casual and not anxious. She opened the door and stepped inside, and he followed her in.

"So is that a yes?" Cameron asked.

Chase looked at her in confusion. "To what?"

"A drink," Cameron answered, looking at him expectantly.

"Um, no..." he said, feeling a little flustered. The full gravity of the moment hit him like a train wreck. He was in her apartment. She stood just a few feet from him. It would be so easy to just stride of to her, pull her into his arms and kiss her... But he couldn't do any of those things, because they weren't together anymore. She didn't want him anymore. Or did she? She had found him this afternoon, she might of well have dragged him in here.

The door had just clicked shut behind him when she started to slowly sashay over to him. A memory flashed across his mind—him arriving at her apartment, coming inside, her grabbing him out of nowhere, kissing him slowly. Was she going to do that now? She stood inches from him now. He could feel the warmth radiating off her body. "I missed you, Chase," she said softly. Her breath smelled like the wine she'd drunk that night.

"I missed you too," he whispered. The feeling of her being so close was intoxicating, it was making his mind fuzzy. She leaned forward, her lips parted slightly. His back was pressed against the cool wood of the door; there was nowhere to run. She was doing it again, toying with his heart and tricking him into falling for her again. Their lips touched, like the breath of a whisper brushing across his skin.

He couldn't take it any longer; he wanted her so bad it hurt. He slipped his arms around her waste and pulled her against his body, pressed his mouth against hers. Everything about her was familiar—the feel of her lips, the curve of her body. His eyes fluttered shut as a rush of adrenaline and emotion flooded through him. It was all he could do to not crush her against his body. He felt her removing his jacket, slowly pushing it off his shoulders and then sliding it off his arms. Unbuttoning his shift and dropping it to the floor beside his jacket. His heart was pounding against his ribs. He pulled her shirt off over her head. His pulse jumped at the feel of her bare skin against his body.

She was a cunning, beautiful spider and he'd been caught in her web of silk—again.


	4. Tossed Around

Cameron woke up beside him the next morning. Well... not really beside him, more entwined with him. His arm was around her shoulders and her head was resting on his bare chest. She could still remember last night, feel him on her body and taste him on her lips. Somehow it was starting again. She'd thought she'd escaped him, but seeing him against had brought the old memories back, the good and the bad. She couldn't resist having him be hers one more time.

But where would things go now? She knew she could keep throwing Chase around like a ragdoll, but that's how her feelings seemed to be—all over the place. When she had time to think about it, she knew she'd done the right thing when she'd left, but in the spur of the moment when emotion overtook her, all she wanted was Chase. She wanted his arms around her, she wanted his breath on her ear. Why couldn't she just let herself have those things?

Beside her, Chase stirred and his eyes flickered open. The first thing his beautiful blue eyes focused on was her face, and she smiled at him. "Sleep well?" he asked, his voice a sleepy murmur.

"Better than I have for a month," Cameron replied softly, leaning forward to give him a slow, gentle kiss. He slid his hand up her back and pressed his mouth harder against her, like her wanted more, but—with great self control—she broke away. "We have to go to work."

Chase looked disappointed, but she rolled over anyway and sat up. They got ready for the most part in silence. She showered first, then got dressed while he did. The room was silent except for the muffled sound of running water, giving Cameron some time to think. She soon found it was painful to do so, though, so she forced her mind blank as she checked her reflection in the mirror. She looked calm and collection—not like she'd just had a hot and probably incredibly stupid night with her ex-husband.

The door to the bathroom open and she glanced over to see Chase step out with a towel wrapped around his waste. His short hair was still damp but quickly drying and she felt that same pull in her heart that she did every time she saw him. His eyes glided over her slowly, taking in her outfit, and she felt herself feeling self-conscious. Only Chase could make her worry that she looked good.

As if reading her mind, he said, "You look beautiful." She gave him a smile that she knew revealed more of her love for him than she would have liked. When they were both ready and standing outside her apartment, Chase leaned in and gave her a good-bye kiss. "I'll see you after work, okay?" he said, his Australian accent coloring his words. It made what she had to say next hurt even worse.

"I don't think that's such a good idea..." she said slowly, hesitantly, then watched as his expression shifted from confusion, to disbelief, to anger.

"You can't do this to me!" he exclaimed. "You left me and then you came back again only to sleep with me and tell me we can't see each other anymore?"

_If looks could kill..._ Cameron thought sadly. His face was a mix of outrage and frustration. She knew what she was doing to him, but for some reason she couldn't stop. "I'm sorry, Chase," she said, thankful for the calmness of her own voice. "I'll see you around." She met his eyes one last time before brushing past him, leaving him staring after her in shock and disbelief.


	5. Mockery

When Chase walked into the hospital that day, he was surprised to find House already there. "It's nine in the morning," he said, in way of greeting. "What are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too, Dr. Chase," House responded. "We have a case. 25 year old female. Weakness, fever, and chills."

Chase took the case file and glanced it over, then felt a flash of irritation, though he had a feeling most of it was left over from this morning. "It's probably just a bacterial infection running through her bloodstream. We run blood cultures and the case is solved. You only wanted to take this case because she's an incredibly hot woman who isn't a model or in some other occupation having to do with her looks."

"So? That's a perfectly good reason to want to treat her," House said, trying—and failing—to sound innocent.

He fell silent, and Chase glanced at House to find him looking at him intently. "What?" he asked impatiently.

"Did you hear Cameron is back?" he inquired, his gaze calculating. Chase did his best to look shocked. The result was pathetic, which of course gave him away. "Of course you did, and I bet you two already talked. Trying to get back in her pants?"

"No..."

"Unless," House cut him off, his eyes sweeping over Chase's outfit, "she's trying to get back into yours. Judging by the fact that you're wearing the same clothes as yesterday, I'd say she already succeeded."

Chase felt the blood rise to his face and looked away, his hands clenched to fists. "Stay out of my personal life, okay?" he said angrily as they stepped into the elevator together.

"So you admit there is something to stay out of," House said, his voice almost cheerful, or as cheerful as House ever got.

Chase glared at him. "No, we didn't sleep together. No, we didn't go on a date. And no, there isn't something going on." Only one out of three things he said was the truth, and he wasn't even positive that was true. Cameron had walked away again, but considering the history of their relationship, that didn't mean anything.

"Hey," House said, his tone as light and teasing as ever. "I just wanted to let you know I think you're making a mistake.

You're giving me relationship advice? Chase wanted to shout in his face, but he held his tongue. "I'll keep that in mind," he said. The elevator doors opened and he rushed out before House could say anything more.

He strode down the hall, House limping behind him, and into the Diagnostics Department office. Taub and Thirteen were already seated at the table. He threw the case file—which he'd just realized he was still holding—down on the table in front of them. "New case," he said in a clipped voice, just as the door opened behind him and House entered. "Should be real tough," he added, giving House a sharp glance over his shoulder.

Thirteen glanced between him and House, her gaze curious, but she didn't say anything. Instead she picked up the file and glanced through it. They began the—probably pointless, in Chase's opinion—differential diagnosis and Chase tried to focus his mind on the medicine. It was kind of hard to do with House watching him the whole time, though.


	6. Twisted

Cameron left the ER in a rush. She was glad to be out; all day she'd been trying to avoid running into Chase. It hadn't been easy, especially seeing as part of her wanted to run into him. The rational part of her, though, repeatedly told her emotional side that it wasn't a good idea. She didn't even know why she was back at PPTH. Why did she find Chase last night? Why did she invite him into her apartment? She'd seen the look in his eyes when she'd left him standing by her door that morning; he'd been devastated, heart-broken. She was a monster and she knew it. If only she could purge this longing for him from her body and mind. Then they'd both be safe, and happy. But she wasn't happy. Not now, not without him. She wished she could go to him now, tell him she wants to be with him forever... Stay away from him, that annoying rational voice whispered. You'll only end up hurting him again.

Cameron shook herself mentally and focused on the sidewalk ahead of her. It was better not to think, not at all. She was about to turn the corner when she heard a voice call her name from the doors of the hospital. She should have ignored it, should have kept walking, but she couldn't; she couldn't ignore his voice. "Cameron," he said again, jogging over to her. Her name was distorted by his accent, his sweet, wonderful accent.

"Yes?" she responded, turning slightly to face him. She was pleased with how calm, how indifferent, her voice sounded. _Better for him to hate you,_ she thought. _Better for him to think you're just some bitch who broke his heart._

She saw hurt flash in his eyes, and his emotions were mirrored in her heart, but not her gaze. Her bluish eyes were cold, the so-called "gate way to the soul" closed off completely. He couldn't know her true feelings, and she felt like he—maybe only he—could stare into her eyes and see into her mind.

"I think we should talk," Chase said, struggling to keep his voice from wavering. It still did. "About last night. And this morning. Things happened kind of fast."

Cameron let out a cruel laugh that almost stilled her heart. That didn't sound like her at all. "Last night was just a fling, nothing more. Let it go." It was almost impossible to look into his eyes and say those words, but she had to. _Let him hate you._

"No," Chase said, with a firmness in his voice that surprised her. "I don't think that's true. We were married for God's sake. You and I are more than just a fling."

_Get out of here,_ she thought urgently. _Get out before you give something away._ "Let it go," she repeated before turning away. She didn't look back. She knew seeing his face would flood her heart with sadness and cause tears to form in her eyes. She couldn't look back.

"I need you, Ali," he said, one last desperate plea. She felt the sound of the nickname only he had ever used like a physical blow. Everyone she knew either called her Allison or Cameron. "Ali" sounded so nice, so sweet and innocent. That name didn't fit her, it just wasn't right, exactly like her and Chase. She closed her eyes to block the tears as only she could do so well.

"No, you don't," she said, and she knew the words were a lie even as she said them. They needed each other, and yet he was better off without her. It was twisted and unfair, but true. She was screwed up, and nothing, not even love, would ever change that. She opened her eyes, the tears still burning at the back, and walked away from him—again. He just stood there helplessly, like he had that morning and so many other times.

When Cameron got home, all she felt like doing was collapsing on her bed and crying herself to sleep. She still had things to do, though. She had charts to fill out. She'd spent most of the day avoiding Chase and hadn't gotten much done. Luckily, no one had died because of how distracted she was.

She set her keys down on the counter with a tinkling jingle and brushed her blonde hair back from her eyes. Wearily, she trudged to her couch with her briefcase full of files and got to work.

She finished around 8:00. The work had actually been a welcomed distraction from the problems in her love life. Now that she was done, her mind was free to wander to undesirable subjects. Like Chase. The hole he had filled last night was gaping wide again. Now she remembered why she left PPTH in the first place; being near Chase was too tempting, and too painful. Not that the pain had gone away when she'd left. She felt a tear roll down her cheek. Maybe she'd cry herself to sleep after all.


	7. Not Broken

Chase thought he would feel his heart breaking once more as she walked away, but instead he felt… nothing. Maybe she was right—maybe this was for the best. His heart ached when he was away from her, but it hurt worse every time she betrayed him. He couldn't handle it anymore.

He looked up when House threw the door open in some kind of grand entrance. "Rise, my faithful attendants! Lord House brings gifts for all."

"I take it you figured out the case overnight," Thirteen said.

House looked around the room and then spread his arms questioningly. "I told you to rise. Maybe you're not so faithful after all."

"Are you going to tell us or not?" Chase asked.

House looked up and to the side, like he was thinking about how to answer. "Mmm… not," he said. "Not until Chase tells me why he looks like a kicked puppy."

"I do not—"

"Actually, you kind of do," Taub said.

Chase shot him a glare. "Can we focus on the case?"

"I thought you said the case was going to be easy," House said. "Of course, you completely glossed over the symptoms and the entire differential."

Chase gave him a blank look.

"Weakness, fever, and chills?" he said. "You obviously weren't listening during the differential, because you missed the fact that she has a dozen other symptoms."

Chase closed his eyes. He felt like an idiot. Had he really been that distracted. "Okay, fine. You're right. I spend the night at Cameron's. Are you happy now?"

"You did what?" Thirteen demanded.

Chase ignored her. He was busy staring at House. "Now that you've got your answer, are you going to tell us what the patient has?"

House inhaled and didn't answer for a moment. Chase thought he was going to say no again. "Yes. Go treat her for…"

Chase stopped listening. House's lack of reaction to his confession had been suspicious. He'd already known the truth, but there'd be no gloating.

"Chase." The world snapped back into focus when House said his name, and Chase realized the others had already gone. "You're fired."

Chase's mouth gaped open. "What?" he managed to say.

"Your lack of focus could've killed this patient."

"You figured it out. You didn't need me."

"Cameron is going to continue to work at this hospital, and you're going to continue to pine after her. Now, this goes one of two ways: either she tells you to get lost, or she keeps stringing you along. She's certainly not going to profess her love for you."

"She married me," Chase said. "She clearly loved me."

"No, she didn't, but you know that," House said. "You just want to feel better about your lack of judgment. I'll let you in on a secret—she doesn't love you for the same reason she liked me."

"And why's that?"

"Because she likes broken things, and you're not broken."

"Wonderful. Can I go now? I have to go rip a chunk of muscle out of my leg."

"Good luck with that," House said. Then he turned and limped into his office.


	8. The Hardest Choice

Cameron opened her eyes to see the picture of her dead husband staring her in the face. She'd pulled it out of the stuff she hadn't quite gotten around to unpacking, and fallen asleep with it in her hands. It was better than crying herself to sleep. Things were finally starting to make sense to her, though. She'd been torn between her feelings for Chase and a constant feeling that it was wrong; now she knew why. _This_ was why, and this picture was physical evidence of it. She couldn't let him go, even though he was dead.

She put her face in her hands. She thought back to when Chase had proposed. It had taken him breaking up with her for her to realize that she didn't want to lose him. She'd never wanted to lose him. That's why she kept running back to him. And yet, she didn't want to admit she needed him.

"House is right," she murmured. "I am delusional."

She could almost hear his voice in her head. He's dead. Get up and stop being pathetic. It was time to make a choice. Chase or her dead husband? She took a deep breath and, with a shaking hand, laid the picture face down on her desk.

The choice was made.

She checked the time—six in the morning—and then ran to get her coat. She left her apartment with her head reeling. By the time she arrived at Chase's place, her heart pounded fast enough that she thought she might be in tachycardia. The time had only strengthened her resolve, though.

She walked to his door and rang the bell. The wait was excruciating. Maybe it was too early. Maybe he was still asleep. She could talk to him later, but after summoning the courage to come here, she didn't think she'd find it again if she turned away now.

Cameron was about to leave when the door opened. Chase stared at her, and she knew he was probably considering shutting the door in her face. That's what she would have done, after everything she'd put him through.

He didn't, though. "What do you want?" he asked.

Tears formed in Cameron's eyes before she could get the words out. When she was able to speak, she said, "It's Tuesday."

He watched her with a guarded expression. "Yeah, it is."

Cameron took a deep breath. "I want to do this right. I don't want to lose you again. I want… I want to be happy. Will you go out with me?"

Chase remained silent for too long, far too long. She had already accepted his answer by the time he said it. "No."

She blinked and looked up at the pale sky, lit up by the rising sun. Then she nodded and turned away from his door. Before she could take the first step, he caught her arm. She looked back at him, surprised.

"But I will go out and have a good time… with a friend," he said. "We can go from there."

Cameron gave a breathy laugh, which came out a bit strangled through her tears. "Okay," she said. "I'd like that."

Chase smile faintly. "Let me get my coat."


End file.
